ARK: What Really Happened
by Maverick 1812
Summary: The story of the space colony ARK has been skewed by the media, by which I mean Sonic X, for too long. Let this inform you all as to what really happened that fateful day the world almost ended!


Hello everyone, Maverick1812, lord of the dead here. As we all know, in the time since Sonic Adventure 2 the events which occurred on the Space Colony ARK have become ancient history. And as we all know history turns to legend, legend turns to myth, myth turns back into history, and history gives legend and myth a miss and goes strait on into fairy tale! As such, many facts and details have become obscured because of the damn liberal media. Therefore, many Sonic fans, mostly Sonic X fans, don't know how the story went. Therefore I am here to educate you poor monkeys. That's right children, gather round cause I'm gonna tell you about what exactly happened on the ARK. Of course by me, I mean my lackey hog, Ambient is going to tell you.

Ambient: I'm getting paid for this right?

Me: Silence lackey. Now sit back, relax, and enjoy as you are enlightened!

AMBIENT"S STORY TIME THEATER 

Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic the Hedgehog or any Sonic characters or the sort. As a matter of fact I don't own anything mentioned in this story. Please don't sue. I do own Ambient the Hedgehog and Zeeg the Hedgehog. But you don't have to pay attention to them.

A red hedgehog sits secluded in a small, poorly lit room. He is resting comfortably in an easy chair, smoking a corncob pipe and reading a book. The only source of light is a flickering fireplace in the corner. He reads aloud from the book in a dark spooky voice as he sits there.

"He stared down at what was once his hands, to see only… maggots… Maggots? Maggots! Maggots. Screaming endlessly as the tiny robots stabbed his leg and stole his wallet. And that's when the hot lesbian ninjas showed up!" Snapping out of his reading he suddenly looked up to the audience. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't hear you come in… you damn prowlers! I guess you want a story or something now? Freakin' weirdoes. Well, lets get this over with. Today I'm gonna tell you the legend of Shadow the Hedgehog." With that, Ambient (The red hedgehog) dropped the horror/porn novel he was reading from and picked up a large black and red book. On the book were the words "Kill all humans!" in large, friendly but bloody letters.

"Now, where to begin? I guess it all starts back about 55 years ago, back in 1985, when kindly old Prof. Gerald Robotnik was collaborating with alien communists to unlock the secrets of immortality. Through long nights of research, a failed giant cyborg lizard, and a game of 'lets put a hedgehog and black doom in a broom closet for twenty minutes and see where the tequila takes them' the fruits of the labor culminated. Shadow the Hedgehog, the Ultimate Lifeform, was born (Well artificially created if you believe Black Doom's cover up). He was raised on the space colony by the professor and the more sane of his grand children, Maria.

"The details of the onyx hedgehog's life are rather inconsequential. Daily chaos energy practices, nights researching with the professor on his genetic make-up, weekends partying with Maria, listening to heavy metal and Pat Benetar. Some days they would watch Macgyver and marvel at the antics of Richard Dean Anderson. Sometimes they would think about how awesome a show about remembering the eighties, ten years afterwards would be, possibly starring a talking goat of some sort. The professor, while a brilliant man, also happened to be a senile old coot. Sometime he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, or make outrageous claims like inventing the question mark. The sort of general malaise that the genius posses and the insane lament. Well that explains where Eggman gets it.

"Anyway, everything was doing well until the cracker ass government, became afraid of a strong black hedgehog like Shadow and decided to bust up Shadow's hood, The ARK. And so the military raided the facility, killing everyone in their path. Maria, was wounded, but was able to get Shadow to an escape pod in time. With her last breath she made her friend promise her that he would use his powers to help mankind. Unfortunately, landing back on earth, Shadow was captured and frozen in carbonite by the cracker GUN agents. 50 years later Shadow was released from stasis by his best friend's cousin, the slightly less kindly old Doctor Eggman. Unfortunately due to the whole traumatic experience of watching his best friend die, and being cryogenically frozen, he was kinda disoriented and thought Maria wanted him to kill all humanity. Hey it happens.

"Joining an alliance with the good doctor, Shadow began a plot to seek his vengeance by hurling the ARK into the earth, killing all life (oh a falling space station killing everyone, that's original). Using the eclipse cannon as a guise for world domination, it was simple to get Eggman to join his crazy scheme. And for some reason, a jewel hunting bat joined their alliance of evil. And so there was a big wacky adventure involving espionage, mistaken identity, an annoying blue hedgehog and his wacky friends, and of course underage teen sex wagers!" Ambient looks back at the book with a bewildered stare. "Wait a minute that never happened!" Suddenly, Shadow appears off stage with a wad of cash.

"This assortment of dead presidents says otherwise, red boy." Shadow said, shoving the wad in Ambient's face. The red hedgehog quickly stuffs the wad in his back pocket with a grin on his face and returns to his reading. "So, like I was saying, there was lots of sex! Naturally Shadow had most of the sex what with him being the not only the ultimate lifeform but also the ultimate lover with a twelve inch long-… I'm not reading this crap. This is complete fabricat-" Before he could finish he was handed another wad of cash, which Ambient quickly pocketed and continued. 'SO like I was saying, Shadow's package is huge! I mean seriously huge!

"But anyway the important part is that once all the Chaos emeralds were collected, Shadow's plan was complete and the space colony began its crash course with the blue planet. The remaining forces of good and evil, half wanting to save the earth, while the other half wanting to save their own asses, began their plan to use the master emerald to negate the chaos emeralds and stop the collision. I know, tis a silly plan, but it was the best they could come up with on such short notice. So the Sonic crew and Eggman all worked as fast as they could to save the earth. Meanwhile, the dark hedgehog sat vigilantly in the control room watching his master plan come to fruitiy…. Fruity…"

"Fruition!" Shadow cut him off.

"Oh be quiet you!" Ambient said in a gruff voice. "Now let us fondly recall that moment in time as we go back to see…

ARK! What Really Happened!

(From this point, the story will be told from third person perspective, with Ambient as the narrator)

-Space Colony ARK: Observation Deck

The Ultimate Life Form stood on the observation deck of the space colony ARK, patiently awaiting his final victory over the filthy humans. After fifty years of waiting, he would finally get his vengeance. He also noticed it was kind of quiet, but the flaming wreckage would soon rectify that problem. Still, he wished there was someone there to share in his moment of extreme awesomeness.

Unfortunately he would soon regret his wish, for at that very moment Chris Thorndyke walked through the automatic doors. In a nonchalant voice he raised his hand and said "What up?" (Yes contrary to popular belief, the little Mary Sue kid from Sonic X was on the Space Colony ARK, sadly) Shadow wishing that he had not recently wished for company simply ignored the young boy and continue his star gazing. The young boy walked up to him and said "Hey Sonic, what are you doing in here?" Growing quite pissed off from everyone thinking he was Sonic, he delivered a swift punch to Chris's gut. The boy keeled over in pain as Shadow said in a non-apologetic tone, "Oh, sorry there buddy, thought you were a varmint." Chris, still holding his stomach, responded with, "That's okay -ow- I deserved that."

As Chris recovered from his ass-bruising, Shadow continued to gaze outside. Once recovered Chris asked, "Shadow, why are you just standing here? Why aren't you helping the others?" "Everything is going according to plan," Shadow responded in a calm voice, "There's no hope for humanity left." Chris grew worried and began to plead with the ebony hedgehog. "You can't just stand by and watch while everyone dies! You have to help them!" "Why should I save them? They have shown me nothing but contempt and pain." He said with a scowl on his face.

Chris grew sad and tried to reason with the onyx hedgehog once again. "I know humans are selfish, cruel, manipulative, poorly groomed, silly looking, arrogant…" In the middle of his discussion, Chris stood there blankly and said, "I forgot what point I was trying to make." Shadow scoffed at the child and continued his stoic posing. "Okay, well maybe I can't think of a perfect reason why not to kill humanity, but isn't there one person worth sparing the race for?"

Shadow simply looked at the child with a dumbfounded look on his face. He pondered the question, and in a clear concise voice, he answered "Nope." At this point Chris was becoming quite pissed off. He figured that it would be easy to convince this guy to join the good guys. What the mary sue hadn't counted on was Shadow's pure apathy. With the anger boiling his blood, Chris decided to change tactics.

"Shadow," He began, "If you kill humanity that makes you like Sephiroth! Do you really want to be Sephiroth? All emo and androgynous?" The young boy hoped his gambit at insulting the hedgehog would work, unfortunately Shadow simply responded by saying, "Actually I liked Sephiroth, besides, I'm going to get a hell of a lot closer to destroying the planet than he ever did."

Chris once again started to grow angry but he had a plan to play off Shadow's hero worship of Sephiroth. "Well I guess if you're like Sephiroth, you also must have an Oedipus Complex. So what you love your mommy too?" Chris said with a smirk, trash talking his opponent. Shadow simply replied with a simple "That's not gonna work kid, I don't have a mommy."

Unbeknownst to Shadow, somewhere in Chicago there was a red hedgehog woman, who was approximately 70, give or take a year. She was living in a nursing home, enjoying the last years of her life in peace and solitude. Most thought her to be an amiable and normal hedgehog, but what most didn't know that when she was a 15 year old intern scientist on the Space Colony ARK, she had a short lived but meaningful relationship with an extraterrestrial being who referred to himself simply as BD. About five months after a game of 'lets put the hedgehog and alien overlord in a broom closet for twenty minutes and see where the tequila takes them' she gave birth to a small red and black baby hedgehog(Alien babies grow fast). BD had said he would take the crossbred baby to live on his far off home world, while actually handing it over to his colleague, Gerald Robotnik. To this day, the hedgehog woman still wonders what ever became of the alien child. In a bit of irony, unbeknownst to her, the child was currently, on a space station on a collision course with the earth. However, this all I no way affects the plot of this story, I just thought you might like to know that little tidbit of information.

Anyway back to Emo the Hedgehog and Captain Mary-Sue.

Chris was at the end of his rope, but he had one more ace up his sleeve. "You know Shadow, maybe there's more to you being like Sephiroth than the whole killing everybody thing." Shadow was confused and raised his eyebrow to signify. "Come on Slim Shady, I've seen you fight Sonic. Pretty intense when you two fight. Can't help but think there's a little bit of sexual tension in that." "What are you getting at you damn hippy." "Come on, don't act like you haven't ever thought about you and Sonic? Well at least we know you'd be the bitch in that relationship."

Shadow began to feel a rage build inside of him, standing here while a small boy, who knew nothing of the world, tried to lecture him on the innocence of these filthy hu-mans, and now he was making gay jokes about him and the faker. Let me tell you something folks, no body, but nobody makes gay jokes about the ultimate life form and lives to tell about it without serious injury. "I don't have time for this!" Shadow said in a dark voice and delivered a swift punch, knocking the small boy about five feet back against a wall.

Shadow turned around to leave, but Chris would not take no for an answer. Pulling himself up off the ground and limping towards the evil hedgehog, he began to speak saying, "Please Shadow, you have to help us!" "What part of nay, doesn't thou understand?" Shadow said. Chris responded with a forceful, "Come on dude, stop being a total dick and help us!" At that Shadow's eyes had a dark glint in them. Only too late did Chris realize he had made a horrible mistake. Shadow raised his hand, gathering Chaos energies, and said "Playtime is over… Disappear!" Suddenly, a rush of chaos energy was shot at the young boy, launching him back at the wall.

Now even more battered than ever, Chris tried again to stand. This time he had a new strategy. "Oh, I get it eh? Won't go down with out a fight will ya? Fine, I'll kick your ass if that's what it takes to get you to help us you selfish jerk!" Shadow simply stood there with a look of disbelief on his face. He didn't know whether the young boy in front of him had a death wish, or if he was just retarded but he knew this wasn't going to end with a simple smack. "Come on bitch! What do you wanna do? What do you wanna do?" the young boy said, rolling up his sleeves and preparing to initiate fisticuffs. "You just don't learn do you kid?" Shadow said preparing to open a can of whup-ass on the kid. He figured they were all gonna die in about twenty minutes, Maria wouldn't mind him killing this one himself.

-Meanwhile… Space Colony ARK, A Few Hallways Away

Amy Rose walked through the dank and dark hallways of the abandoned Space Colony. Everyone else had gone off to save the world from exploding, but since they didn't need her, she was left to walk about, lonely and bored.

"Man, I can't believe they just left me there alone!" She started gripping. "I've helped them save the earth bunches of times, and they ask Eggman, the criminal madman who kidnapped me about an hour ago, to help before they ask me! What the heck?" She pulled out her hammer and smashed the wall next to her, creating a hole in the wall to the next room over. She was a little embarrassed and hoped no one would be mad about the hole she made. She suddenly remembered how the space station had been abandoned for half a century, so they probably wouldn't mind.

As she pulled her hammer away, she realized that beyond the hole stood a black figure, with red highlights on his quills. "Shadow?!" she said with a hint of shock, hiding behind the wall so he wouldn't see her. Unfortunately, this meant she also didn't see as the onyx hedgehog inflicted more pain on the poor Chris Thorndyke. One could even say he was beating Chris up to a cartoony extent. Amy thought was about to run away, but she suddenly had a thought.

'_I've really gotta stop whining. Everyone's trying their best to help out, and so must I!'_ With new found confidence she headed towards the hole to go see Shadow.

-Meanwhile…

While Amy was having this revelation, Shadow was taking his time with poor Chris. He had now tied him to a chair and dressed him up like a GUN agent. He was holding a bottle of lighter fluid and now dressed like Vic Vega (Reservoir Dogs). In the background, one could hear the faint sound of Stealers Wheel's "Stuck in the Middle With You". Shadow was dancing to the tune as he circled around Chris.

"Now Chris, that's your name right? Chris? Well I suppose it doesn't matter." Shadow began with a smile on his face. "You might notice that you're dressed like a GUN agent. Now you probably think this is because of my fanatical hatred of GUN, but really the answer is much more simple. I like to torture cops." With that he sprayed a little bit of the lighter fluid on Chris and began to dance some more.

Chris, now drenched in lighter fluid began to scream. "You sick twisted fuck!" Shadow simply looked at him with a smile (If Shadow is smiling, you know you're in trouble) "Scream all you like boy, nobody'll here you." He walked away, pulling out a lighter and a cigarette, ready to burn the boy alive, but suddenly stopped. "Oh wait, something's missing." Chris sighed a bit of relief. This disappeared as Shadow put away the lighter and took out a switchblade. "Forgot to hack your ear off." Chris was now full of more fear than ever.

As the black hedgehog closed in, Chris began to plead once more. "Please man, don't do this! I'll do anything!" Shadow simply looked at Chris with no remorse and said. "I told you not to mess with me. Besides, you really thought you could 'convert me to the light?'", Shadow said mocking the boy. "Please! This is bigger than you boy. This has been in motion since before you were born! The great Gerald Robotnik and I, two of the world's greatest scientific minds, plotted all this! I liked to see you, no scratch that, I like to see anyone try and stop this plan from achieving fruition!"

As if on cue, Amy Rose suddenly walked in and in her usual voice said, "Hey guys." She suddenly realized what was going on and looked at Chris and Shadow, a bit confused. "So, uh what's going on?" Chris built up the strength and yelled over to Amy. "Amy, thank God you're here! Shadow's gone crazy!" "So what else is new?" Amy said nonchalantly. "You've got to talk some sense into him! He's gonna kill me!" Chris suddenly reminded Amy of what she had come into to do. "Oh right!"

Amy ran up to Shadow and said, "Shadow, we need you! Please help us!" Shadow unfortunately had not heard a word of what she just said. His eyes had simply been focused on Amy the whole time.

'_That's the pink hedgehog I saw on Prison Island. Yeah that sure was great, wasn't it? Let's flashback to there for a moment!'_

-Flashback: Prison Island

Eggman, Shadow, and Rouge, stood there as they looked over the decimated GUN base. "Ah, I love the smell of destruction in the morning." Eggman said with a look of inner serenity on hi face. Shadow nodded with a smirk and Rouge simply sighed, thinking maybe she shouldn't have teamed up with two of the most unstable criminal geniuses ever. "Alright everyone ready? Shadow! Rouge! On with the show!" At that very moment, Shadow was set upon by a small pink hedgehog who glomped him on the back.

"Oh Sonic! I thought I'd never see you again! I'm so glad you made it!" Being called Sonic made the blood, if it was blood, in Shadow's veins boil. He turned around preparing to attack, but stopped when he saw the girl behind him.

_'Wow, she's cute.'_ The ultimate life form thought to himself blushing.

"Wait, you're not Sonic!" Amy said gasping. "Very astute of you Amy," Eggman began "This isn't Sonic. This is Shadow, my new partner in evil!" Amy looked back at Shadow. "Yeah, he isn't Sonic for sure. He's actually a lot cuter than Sonic!" She said giving him a passionate kiss, which Shadow returned in kind. Eggman simply stood there dumbfounded by his new cohorts actions. Meanwhile Rouge pulled out a video camera and started recording the public display of affection. And then Shadow and Amy made love in front of the two evil villains on the giant wrecked GUN base. And Sonic rotted in jail for eternity… What the hell is this crap?

(The camera suddenly cuts back to the narrator)

"What the hell is this crap?" Ambient questioned, completely confused by the story's turn of events. "I mean I may not be an expert on the subject of Sonic Adventure 2, but there was definitely not a Shadamy love scene." Shadow quickly appeared off screen, shaking his fist and screaming, "There was if you want to keep your job and your teeth, red!" Ambient was about to scream like a little girl at Shadow's threat, when suddenly Rouge appeared off screen as well and said "Shadow! Are you bribing Ambient to retell Sonic Adventure 2 the way you wanted it to be?" Shadow, a bit startled by Rouge's appearance, responded with "No! I was just making sure that my friend Ambient remembers that he's the fan character who can be easily killed, and how much influence I have over the author!"

Rouge sighed at Shadow's aggression. "Look, Shadow just leave Ambient alone and let him tell the story. Besides I was at Prison Island and you did not make passionate love to Amy Rose." Shadow scowled at the white bat and said "Oh yeah, well if you were there, maybe you would like to clarify what exactly happened?" "I would be happy to." Rouge said, temporarily pulling Ambient from his chair and sitting in it herself. " Well the story is pretty much correct up to where Eggman says-

"Very astute of you Amy. This isn't Sonic. This is Shadow, my new partner in evil!" Amy looked back at Shadow. Shadow stared passionately into her emerald eyes and…

-thud-

…Promptly fainted.

"What a wuss." Shinji Ikari said and ran away.

"Hello earth to Shadow? Yoohoo?" Rouge waved her hand over the passed out hedgehog, trying to get him to wake up. "He's out chief." She responded to Eggman.

"Well this puts a damper on my plan," Eggman responded "Well get him out of here Rouge, I'll take care of Amy."

(Return to narrators.)

"And that's exactly how it happened!" Rouge said confidently. Shadow began to grow enraged. "That's preposterous! The Ultimate Life form fainting! Shite! Pure Shite!"

By this point Ambient had grow quite angry and jumped in with an abrupt, "Look people, unholy sins against God! May I please get back to my story without constant interruptions?" Rouge and Shadow marched out of the room grumpily and Ambient retook his seat. "Now then, where was I? Ah yes, the ARK!"

-Space Colony ARK: Observation Deck

Amy was now waving her hand in front of the still dazed Shadow while Chris tried to fight his way out of the bindings around him. "Hello earth to Shadow the Hedgehog?" Amy said. "Would you forget him Amy!? How about we do something else? Like uh, I don't know, maybe… GETTING ME THE HELL OUT OF THIS CHAIR!?" Chris said growing very pissed off. At that moment, Shadow regained consciousness. "Sorry about that I was having a very weird memory, what is it you were saying?" Shadow said to Amy.

"Please Shadow!" Amy began pleading with the ultimate life form "You've got to help us!" "It's all going according to plan. There's no reason for me to help them. Besides, there's no way to save anyone." Immediately after speaking Shadow had the most bizarre sense of déjà vu. Chris spoke up in an attempt to snap some sense into Amy, "Amy, there's no reasoning with him he's insane." Shadow spun around to yell at him with a "You stay out of this Mr. Orange!"

Amy was growing more desperate to get Shadow to help them. She pleaded with him once more. "Shadow! Please! It can't be too late! There has to be some way to stop this!" Shadow looked at the pink hedgehog before him. Her eyes filled with tears and her bottom lip was quivering. Feeling some pity for another living creature since this whole thing started, he said in a slightly more sympathetic voice, "I'm sorry Pinkie-…"

"Amy."

"Amy, but even if I wanted to, there's no way. Its too late for us to save the planet earth." He paused a few moments to let that sink in as a silence fell over the room before adding, "But it's not too late to make an old hedgehog happy." Shadow prepared to put on the patented 'Shadow Charm', but was cut off by Amy trying to plead with him once more.

"There has to be! I know that people fight over the most trivial things. Some people may be selfish, like the professor said... but they're basically good, if they try their best and never give up on their wishes. They always have a reason to be happy; that's why you should help them out! Saving them is a good thing! Shadow, I beg you, please do it for them! Give them a chance!"

This extremely emotional and heart felt speech, went completely unnoticed by Shadow the Hedgehog, who was unfortunately at the time thinking to himself.

-Shadow's POV

Did I leave the stove on at the secret base? Oh man this is gonna drive me nuts.

-Eggman's Desert Base

The secret Egypt Base of Eggman is currently burning down to the ground as the tiny robots scream for mercy and question why they were given pain circuits.

-Back to Shadow

Hmm, there's something about this hedgehog girl. Something familiar, that I can't put my finger on. I feel like some how I've known her before. I sure as hell wish I've known her before! She's hot. I mean she's got to be the hottest chick I've seen since the whole 'cryogenically frozen thing'. I mean sure the bat-chick was hot, but I've never much had a thing for bats. I've always been more attracted to hedgehogs. (Ambient: Sorry to cut in, but it would be a good opportunity to point out, that he gets that from his father's side. Back to the fic.)

I mean look at her. Look at those eyes! A man would rend pull out another man's spine for those eyes. I mean, naturally, I already pull out people's spines, but I'd do it much faster for her. And pink fur! It had to be pink fur! As if she wasn't already hot enough! She's never want a twisted dark incarnation of ultimate evil like me. I swear if I ever found a being who didn't immediately fall in love with this angelic creature, I would string him up by his toenails, and force him to eat tiny soaps for the rest of his life!

-Cannon's Core

Sonic and Knuckles ran towards the center of the space colony when suddenly, Sonic slowed down for a moment. "What's wrong Sonic?" Knuckle asked. "I don't know, but its as if I just felt a chill go through my very soul." Sonic said spookily. Knuckles looked at his back, and reaching in with his hand he said. "Here's your problem! You got an artificial chaos creature stuck to your back." "I don't know man, I still feel weird." Sonic said, still unsure that was the only cause. Knuckles, helpful as always, reached into his back, and pulled out a tiny metal circle covered in blood. "Oh wait, I found it now. Somebody put a tracking device on your spine." Knuckles said as he gripped the bleeding device. Sonic rubbed the wound Knuckles had made in his back and said, "What kind of jerk would do that?"

-Slim Shady Again

Why do I suddenly feel like someone's talking about me? Man, I kind of wish she would stop talking though. Its getting kind of boring. Maybe I should just go save the world so she'll stop. That would shut her up and let me get a chance at… NO! Can't sacrifice the fate of the mission for a woman! No matter how hot she may be. Besides, if I don't destroy the world, those damn Angels will just do it anyway! And I will not be outdone by a bunch of giant Kaiju monsters Wait, can I even have sex? I'll need to research that if we live through this.

I finally decide to tune into her speech, just to so I could make sure I looked like I was paying attention. And that's when she says it. "Shadow, I beg you," Amy begins, "please do it for them! Give them a chance!" Those words… Where have I heard them before, I mean other than in some schmaltzy sitcom. Suddenly, something snaps inside me. Maybe it was the pink hedgehog's kindness and love, maybe it was the fact that there was a human child bleeding to death behind her, or maybe it was the fact that Amy was wearing the same clothes as Maria, but I suddenly remembered the REAL promise I made Maria fifty years ago.

"Shadow… I beg of you… please, do it for me… for a better future." Maria's voice rang out as clear as a bell in my mind. "--for all the people who live on that planet... give them a chance to be happy. Let them live for their dreams. Shadow, I know you can do it. That's the reason that you were brought into this world. Sayonara, Shadow, the Hedgehog." I could feel a single tear roll down my face as my eyes were finally opened.

-Normal POV

All while Shadow remembered, he also happened to remain completely still, and unmoving. This behavior caused Chris and Amy to stare at Shadow, very confused by seemingly constant behavior of standing and not talking for like twelve minutes. As if some sort of external narrator kept forgetting they existed. "Wow," Chris began "This guy really likes to tune out a lot doesn't he?" "Yeah." Amy responded. A wave of silence fell over the very confused pair staring at the villain. Chris suddenly looked over to Amy, who was for one reason or another, wearing a blue and white dress, not unlike the one worn by Maria.

"Hey Amy," Chris said, breaking the silence, "Where'd you bet that blue dress?" "In one of the Space Colony's old living quarters. Isn't it Kawai!" Shadow suddenly broke his silent and still motion as he finally remembered what Maria wanted him to do. "Maria…" He said silently.

"Shadow? Amy asked. "Amy, I remember now. Thank you." He said in his usual stoic tone, giving her a deep embrace, which left the pink hedgehog dumbfounded. "He let her go of his grip and said "I gotta go now. I have to keep my promise to Maria - and you." He said running out. Amy stood there as the dark hedgehog ran out. Chris looked a little confused as well, but quickly responded by saying, "Hey! What about me?"

Shadow's voice rang out as he responded to Chris's question, "Don't worry! I'll be back to kill you later!" Chris had a half worried half angry look on his face as he yelled back to Shadow, "I hope you fall off the Space Colony!" Chris turned his attention towards Amy, who was still standing there, dumbstruck by the actions which had just taken place. "Amy?" no response, "Amy." No response. "Amy!" Finally she was snapped out of her trance like state by the boy. "Oh Chris! I didn't notice you there. What happened to you man?" Chris simply gave her a look of stare which seemed to say 'Have you not been paying attention to what the hell's been going on.?'

"Just get me out of this chair." Chris said in a disgruntled voice. Amy quickly followed his instructions and began to loosen the ropes on the torture chair. At that moment, Rouge and Tails, who had recently finished their missions to get to the Cannon's core, entered the room.

"Hey look, fox-boy!" Rouge began, not wanting to admit she didn't know his name. "It's… uh those guys. Pink… girl, and… Reservoir Dog boy!" Tails responded to her ignorance by pointing out his friends. "Tails, Amy, Chris. Is it really that hard to remember our names?" "Eh, doesn't matter. I'm going to repress this entire disturbing event when its over." Rouge responded.

Tails looked over to his friends only to notice that Chris was currently bleeding to death. "Wow, Chris what happened dude? You look beat-the hell-up!" Finally, Chris couldn't take it anymore. "That's it!" "Oh snap!" Was all Tails could get out as Chris began to chase Tails around, needing an outlet to inflict pain upon. "I will destroy you, you mutant furry!"

Eggman walked into the room in his giant walker, directing Sonic and Knuckled through the Cannon's Core through his communicator. "Okay Sonic, now you…" He trailed off as he saw the disturbing sight. "So there's a small bleeding boy chasing Tails around a space colony guys." Amy and Rouge simply gave him a look of not caring. "So, we're just looking the other way eh?"

-Ambient Narration

And so, Shadow inspired by a new found resolve to follow Maria and about 50 years of sexually repressed anger, finally got off his ass and decided to save the world. Using the powers of the Chaos emeralds, Shadow and Sonic set their differences and defeated the giant lizard hurling the space colony into the earth, (I know, the plot just keeps getting sillier) in an action sequence that was deemed not funny enough for this fanfiction and was replaced by a montage. However, not all was good afterwards.

-Space Colony ARK, Observation Deck

The rest of cast of DBZ, er a Sonic the Hedgehog, is sitting in anticipation. I would like to point out that at this point Rouge, who raided the personal quarters is now wearing one of Maria's old dresses. I just wanted to point that out or this joke wouldn't make any sense.

"What did you two like call each other?" Eggman said jokingly, looking at both Amy and Rouge. The two girls looked at each other. "Well," Rouge began, "At least this can't get anymore awkward." Knuckles suddenly walked in, wearing the same dress. "Sup, dogs!" Knuckles said before looking at the two girls. "Oh, awkward. Well one of us is gonna have to change." The two gave the echidna a glare until he finally said, "Unzip me."

And so, on cue, the door to the observation deck opened, and the image of Sonic the Hedgehog came into view. Everyone looked puzzled as Shadow was nowhere to be found. Rouge was the first to speak up, asking "Where's Shadow?" Sonic handed the bat a one of Shadow's bracelets. Everyone automatically understood what was said. Everyone responded differently. Amy hung her head in grief for the villain turned hero. Rouge simply looked at the power ring. Tails sat with an expression of amazement that it was even possible for Shadow to die. Eggman cursed under his breath that was dead. Now he'd probably have to dig Metal Sonic up for his next scheme. Chris just sighed with relief that he would live to see another day. Knuckles was the only one to speak up, and said, "So… Who's Shadow?"

UNIVERESAL FACEVAULT!

"HAVE YOU BEEN PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON!?" Amy screamed at the idiotic echidna. He simply gave a confused look, as if he hadn't bothered paying attention to the plot up until this very point. Amy decided not to bother trying to force it upon the echidna anymore.

"Well," Amy began, "shouldn't we say something?" She asked. Everyone was rather silent until Chris broke in with a, "Rot in hell you black son of a bitch!" Chris said in a rather happy tone. "Okay, does anyone have a non-spiteful thing to say?" Amy reiterated.

Eggman was the next to speak up, "I never knew Shadow as a person, but I did know him as a bio-weapon of immense power. He was effective, speedy, and if I had asked him to kill the Ben Verene, I'm sure there's a three in five chance he wouldn't know what I was talking about." Tails tried to appeal to Eggman's sympathy by saying, "Come on Eggman, you must be able to say something better, he was practically your uncle, what with your grandfather creating him." "That's only if you believe in that whole idea of treating your robot's/experiment's as children, which I don't." Eggman said. "Then why did you have funerals for the original E-Series robots?" Tails inquired. "Life insurance fraud."

Amy finally questioned Sonic. "Sonic, you knew Shadow better than any of us. What about you?" Sonic looked deep in thought for a moment. Finally, he clearly and concisely said. "Bitch stole my thing." "Good enough," Rouge said, fed up with everyone's half-assed eulogies, "Who wants coffee?" There was a general air of agreement amongst the crowd.

Amy was the only one two not immediately exit. She stood there, looking out the window and said, "Rest in peace, Shadow the Hedgehog." Suddenly in a miraculous display of Dues Ex Machina, a glowing figure appeared at the other end of the room. He was covered in shiny, glowing shininess. The being spoke on high saying, "Mind if I give the eulogy?" Everyone ran back in as Amy screamed "Shadow!" Indeed it was, Super Shadow in all his super glory. Sonic stood in amazement. "Shadow? But how did you survive? I saw you burn up the atmosphere." Shadow responded, in a slightly pissed off tone, "Well next time maybe you should spend more than five minutes trying to save someone before you say, 'Screw it, I'm going home'". "Oh, my bad." Sonic said, apologizing for his shoddy life saving job.

Amy finally broke in, asking "But how did you survive?" Suddenly, a blue liquid creature rose from out of the ground and in a loud and omnipotent voice it said "It was me! I'm the hero!". Everyone looked to see Chaos, the liquid blue god standing before them. However, before he could continue Knuckles promptly began to beat up the god up to a liquidy, blue pulp. "Kill my ancient ancestors will ya?" Everyone watched in confusion as the echidna beat the innocent horrible god of destruction up.

"Yeah, I don't know who that blue guy was but he didn't save me." Shadow said in confusion. Amy, who was now more confused than ever asked, "Well if it wasn't Chaos, who was it?" "Well as I was falling I was saved by that nice silver hedgehog." Shadow said, pointing to the other corner of the room, where a silver hedgehog was indeed standing. In a loud voice he shouted, "I am from the FUTURE!"

"Yes Silver we all know your from the future. Thanks again for saving me dude."

"Everybody gets one!" Silver said, giving him a thumbs up. "Well goodbye everyone! Oh and Tails, uh, enjoy life for now." With that Silver opened up a portal and left. "What does that mean guys?" Tails said in a worried voice.

"Yeah.. so anyway, I just came here for one last thing before the game ends." Chris, realizing his time had come, put on a blindfold and stood, waiting for Shadow to kill him. He was understandably confused when, he was still breathing five seconds later, he lifted up his blindfold to see Shadow and Amy making out in front of the group. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and said, "Thank God! I'm safe." Unfortunately, Chris didn't count on the out of control chaos energies that Shadow was emitting from his Super Shadow form randomly blasting him against the very same wall he had been blasted against earlier.

"Oh, my bad Chris." Shadow said instantly before he began kissing Amy again. The rest of the group looked on, mostly in awe of the scene. Except for Eggman who simply scoffed at the scene. "Bah! Disgusting! Yet somehow arousing. Rouge are you taping this?"

"Yes."

"Excellent, run me off a copy."

-Meanwhile, Back on Earth in Tokyo 3

Rei had fused with Lilith and had began the process of instrumentality that would become the Third Impact. As Gendo Ikari watched the new Rei controlled Angel rise he spoke once more. "What have I done? The only thing that could save us now is if a wayward Space Colony crashed into the that thing." He looked around for a moment. "I say, the only thing that could save us now is if a wayward space colony crashed into that thing!" Once again nothing. "Damn it! That hedgehog should've been here by now. This was definitely not in my scenario. I know I should've just used my initial idea and played that Prince song."

Ambient looked confused at the literature he just finished. "The Hell?" He said. Zeeg walked into the room and said "Ambient, that story made not one lick of sense. Was any of that true?" "Well, there is a place called Tokyo 3, somewhere in the future." Ambient said. "I mean any of the other stuff?" Ambient responded in his usually angry tone by saying, "Of course not! This is all completely falsified. Non of this is true. Shadow's just paying me hu-…" Ambient's voice changes as he is passed a large sack with a dollar sign on it. Now in a more happy tone he continues by saying, "Huge sums of money, to tell you this completely true work of non-fiction." "So, there's no truth to that whole, Shadamy thing?" Zeeg asked. "No of course not. That coupling is completely illogical and unpleasant." Zeeg looked back at the red hedgehog and said. "Oh, well I should probably go tell them that." Zeeg said pointing off screen, to Shadow and Amy making out once again. "Hey you two kids stop with that! It's extremely OoC!"

Shadow's only response was to flip Zeeg and Ambient off and continue kissing Amy. Zeeg kept shaking his fist, while Ambient looked of in disbelief.


End file.
